"because this time baby, i'll be bulletproof."

i've got my kevlar-coated skin.
say what?
wear your sensibilities as your armour
your only defence you have, in spite of the
fact that this kryptonite will only harm you
and you weren't superhuman to begin with.

maybe the earth hasn't turned upon
it's axis, (this time) but it doesn't mean
that there isn't undeniable effect, that
every single cell within your body screams
THAT ONE

call it karma, attribute it to every fickle,
capricious aspect of your nature,
because you know that's you've done it
countless times, drawn them in, and
thrown them back, the poisonous fish,
the undesirable catch, attracted by the
very best kind of bait. for you yourself
are the premium shit yo.

emotions have a time offset, affected by
complete lack of feeling. is it loneliness?
is it need? is it the usual fruitless conquest?

it is frustration. it is dignity. it is the rejection
that you have not been subjected too very
many times. it is the calculation, and when it
is more than just a matter of figures, you are
fucked.

it is pride. shedding your skin to feel new,
forgetting about your defences, and
falling as a unnoticed casualty of crossfire.

snap. be resolute and take what you can get.
you still can get a fair bit, what with the
tempting easy kill you subconciously attract
and ignore, until the machine kicks in.

i know you're scared that i'll soon be over it
that's part of it all
part of the beauty of falling in love with you
is the fear you won't fall

dee said that she thought i'd get over it
and i thought i wasn't sure, see pride;
self-preservation; but i think we are
all just falling, in and out, and hitting the
floor and standing back up again, and i
love that i don't need anyone to help me
up.

sorry friends,
be like le simon and garfunkel esq.
we'd like to help you learn to help yourself.

it's funny how we find things in the strangest
of places, where we don't even look, but rather
wake up and open our eyes to it, sometimes a
little bit literally. perhaps our mind goes, 'look!
it's a distraction!' - as per usual.

Once you have loved someone this much
you doubt it could fade
despite how much you'd like it to
God how you'd like it to fade

I hate that word. I detest it. I loathe it.
That shitty overused pitiful excuse for
feeling. Guilty as charged for geyser-like
spurts. When the cynic and romantic
in me clash, it is always worrying, but
i think it's just a created notion, almost
a blanket term. on one of my old blogs
see; myspace (-barf), i said it was mutual
understanding. i believe that. sure, lust
and attraction and every imaginable need
is factored into that, but think, have you
ever had complete mutual understanding
with anyone?

Perhaps, this forces my need for a "best friend"
in the reciprocal sense of the word. But of course
point is, i only need myself.

Unofficially, I name this the the blanket blog.
because i don't know what i'm saying, but it
sure as hell encompasses a lot.

Sidenote, New Again is the album of the morning,
despite my massive ongoing affair with Conditions
(The Temper Trap). Taking Back give me the mood,
the resolution, and general 'fuck you!' to the tools,
that i am so inexplicably drawn to.

i'll never let you sweep me off my feet.