THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF UNPUBLISHED BLOGS ALL IN WANT OF THE TONE I AM WANTING, BUT, HERE IS SOME PAST RAW THOUGHT, BON APPETIT

I had planned my comeback.
I had prepped myself for happiness.
I had resolved to write a happy blog,
and there were thousands of drafts
for the emo. And I am still happy, so
don't make me disappoint myself.
Don't question my beliefs.

I told myself things
I wrote up poetry
and songs and concepts
As per usual?
'Don't torture yourself'
was the newest mantra
to get my mind off things
And it worked, and
I stopped needing to say it.

I went by
and found the unexpected
the pull to get me through
And i started reverting to my old ways
just to piss off karma

"The only thing we share is the same sky"
And i screamed in agreement
and it made it onto my post-its.

Later,
"The only thing we share
Is the same sky"
was paired with the next lines in the song
"These empty metaphors
They're all in vain"

i have thousands of lyrics, songs
little ditties, mine and elsewhere
all convey enough
enough for me to
able to say a lot of things

this could alternatively but titled
'the old blog'
sounds like a record, like the turntable kind
because this is all autorecall
and for one of you
you'd call this the closure blog

well i guess you need an official gesture
actually the last one may be pretty close
nonetheless, nothing.

I can
sleep
naked
and
smile
when
I wake
up and
fixate
upon.

after all,

just an undersized girl in an oversized t-shirt
with thick thighs and skinny wrists
writing songs in the shower
making music with her mouth

pretending it's all just a game
of hide and seek or dress-ups
waiting to collect more
diaphanous affections

it's life. and i'm living.
i'm living in a world where i
can hate my best friends
and lose even more
it was the best of times
it was the worst of times

tick tock
tick tock
tick tock
tick tock

what are you waiting for?

happiness, albeit subjective
is currently
my very own quality
attribute it to myself
not a current misplaced conquest
please, i beg you

the closing though/title sums up me
at the moment, maybe not forever
but for as long as i can keep it
how many lifetimes does it take to live in the present day?
think about it.

also, does anyone know where all my titles come from?
maybe i just hit my head pretty hard
perhaps i've found myself
a beautiful demon
who can only write about herself

but hey,
this is where blogs beat real therapy.